Discernment Counseling:
For people who are considering divorce or separation but are not
completely sure if it’s the right path for them.
They want to take one more look before making a permanent decision with
long term consequences for themselves and their family.
The goal of Discernment Counseling is to develop clarity and confidence
about
which direction to take for the relationship, based on a deeper
understanding of the relationship and its problems. The goal is
not to
solve relationship problems but to see if they can potentially be
solved.
Unlike traditional couples counseling that assumes that both people
are willing to work on the relationship, Discernment Counseling assumes
that frequently one partner is “leaning out” of the relationship and
the other is “leaning in,” wanting to rebuild the
relationship. Each perspective is honored.
What does Discernment Counseling involve?
The focus is on helping people decide among three paths: move
towards
divorce or separation, try to restore their relationship to health, or
stay the course
and decide later. The sessions are divided between conversation
with
the couple together and individual conversations with each
partner.
Most of the time is spent in individual conversations because each
person is
on a personal journey of discernment and action.
The counselor helps each party see his or her own contributions to
the problems and the possible solutions. Understanding oneself in
a relationship is important for the future even if the relationship
ends.
You can’t divorce yourself.
The counselor respects the reasons for divorce or separation while
trying to open up
the possibility of restoring the relationship to health.
Discernment
Counseling is considered successful when people have clarity and
confidence in their decision, and a deeper understanding of themselves
and their relationship.
When a decision emerges, the counselor helps the parties either to find
professionals who can help them have a constructive divorce or to
formulate a reconciliation work plan to create a healthy, successful
relationship. In some cases, couples decide to take a time out
from the
discernment process without arriving at a clear direction, with the
option of returning later.
Discernment Counseling usually involves 1-5 sessions. You are
committing at
first to just one session, and then can decide to do more
sessions. The sessions are 1.5-2 hours in length.
Discernment counseling is NOT suitable when
● One partner has firmly decided to divorce or separate and wants
the other to accept it.
● One partner is coercing or manipulating the other to
participate.
● There is a danger of domestic violence.
● There is an Order of Protection from the court.